Couples Therapy
Couples who call me aren't struggling because they've stopped caring. They're struggling because they can't reach each other. Somewhere along the way it got hard to count on each other, to lean on each other in the moments that matter most. When the togetherness goes missing, it hurts more than almost anything.
When that hurt can't be shared openly, we protect ourselves. One partner pushes for connection, the other pulls away. Soon, the defenses are talking to each other instead of the two of you. The topic isn't the real issue, because the feeling of pushing each other away comes into every topic: sex, money, quality time, planning the future. The conversation follows the same painful script, and you end up feeling the same way in the relationship, again and again. By the time most couples reach out, they've been living inside that pattern for a long time, and they're exhausted.
If that sounds familiar, your relationship will likely benefit from therapy. I practice Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), one of the most researched and effective approaches to couples therapy. I also draw on Gottman Method tools when they're a good fit for a couple. My job isn't to referee your arguments or decide who's right. It's to help the two of you see the cycle you're caught in, stop it, and build the relationship you actually want.
If this sounds like it could be helpful, reach out to me for a free consultation.
What is couples therapy?
Couples therapy is a structured way of understanding how the two of you get stuck, and how you get unstuck. The stuck place usually looks like communication, and underneath the communication there's emotion coming up for both of you. Sharing that emotion, in a way that can actually land, is usually the key to feeling close again. EFT gives us a map for this. It describes how couples lose their secure bond and, just as importantly, how they rebuild it.
In the first phase of our work, we get curious about your pattern. What is it? Where did it come from? How long has it been running? What happens inside each of you when distress hits the relationship? You'll start to see the cycle itself as the problem, rather than each other.
We'll stop the cycle in session first. With practice, that generalizes: you'll catch it and interrupt it at home, on your own. Most couples describe that shift as finally being able to exhale. And from there we're no longer just putting out fires. We can start creating the kind of relationship the two of you really want, one where you know you have each other's backs.
Together, we'll improve:
Communication
Moving past the "criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling" dynamic to establish productive ways of expressing needs.
Emotional & Sexual Intimacy
Navigating different sexual desires, medical factors affecting sex, or the gradual drifting apart that can lead to withdrawal from physical affection.
Differing Core Values
Aligning expectations for long-term goals, core values and relationship models. My couples therapy approach is poly-inclusive and poly-affirming.
Trust & Attachment
Rebuilding safety and security by turning toward each other after a period of long-term emotional withdrawal within the relationship.
Major Life Transitions
Major life changes, like relocation or job loss, career change or the introduction of children can bring adjustment pains to a couple.
Neurodiversity Affirming
Counseling that sees and affirms neurodivergent partners (ADHD, autism, OCD, cPTSD) through the lens of support, not stigma or cure.
